On Las Vegas

I won’t lie, I was apprehensive because this was our first “Cousins Trip.” I have known these people my entire life, but hanging out with them has been relegated to family events, not adventures.

And this was most certainly an adventure. There was a lot to fit into three days, and since it was Ginger’s and my first time, I didn’t expect to do much more than the typical touristy stuff.

Oh man, my feet are sore. I wanted so badly to wear heels (who wouldn’t?), but due to the broken toe, it appears that any closed-toe shoes are impossible. (I still haven’t heard the final read on the toe x-rays taken last week, but regardless of the doctor’s decision, the pain is way too real to ignore – which I thought I would be able to do for beauty.) We walked and walked and walked. We saw so much more than I thought possible.

There was pool time, eating time, show time, sleep time, alone time…all in all, it was a really great vacation with some really great people.

On the way home, there was a girl traveling alone to spend the summer with her dad. Her mom was trying to hold in tears at the gate as she said good bye and her little sister ran up to give her one last hug. I saw the girl try and be brave with a “Don’t cry, Mom, it’s only two months.” But as soon as she was headed down the jetway, there were tears welling up in her eyes.

A woman a few years older than me was standing right by the girl and asked her if she wanted to sit together. They ended up talking for the entire flight. I think it was incredibly selfless and sweet of that woman to spend some time making a girl feel a little bit more comfortable and a lot less scared.

Quickly, some pictures:

Beetle at the airport, DIA

(This Beetle is on display in the Denver Airport. It was hand-beaded by several families over the course of many weeks. It’s beautiful!)

(The security guard after the Blue Man show. He was pretty much amazing, and I told him so.)

(I liked this flower.)

(my grumpy face. By the time we got to the airport, I was exhausted and more than ready to be home. Finding out that our flight was delayed was more than frustrating.)

Wynn, Las Vegas

(The Wynn, Las Vegas)

Black cat

(I’ve never left Carlos alone for very long. Three days was the longest. I was nervous, especially since he got out and ran to hide in the basement during our 5:00 am departure on Sunday morning. We got back to a very grumpy Carlos, although I was thrilled that he was very much alive. He had taken his collar off somewhere along the way and i still haven’t managed to find it. – old picture)

(The Las Vegas Strip)

(Sorry Ginger, the eyes looked so creepy when I tried to fix them!! I still think we both look beautiful!)

(Caesar’s Palace)

(Mike and I thought it’d be fun to wear hats. It wasn’t.)

(I touched a Blue Man!! Better yet, my favorite Blue Man! Something about his eyeballs was super cool.)

(And of course, there was pool time. Mike said he felt like Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall because of the fruit we started collecting. It was cute.)

And now, I’m off to work! I am so late, so I expect to be there quite a bit later than usual tonight. I have a giant project that absolutely must be completed by tomorrow night  I am hoping that I can overcome the exhaustion and rock today.

On Friday crying, belatedly

(I wrote the body of this post yesterday, and then didn’t get around to publishing it until this morning. That’s why it’s in present tense even though it’s past.)

I woke up sad this morning. It was early, and instead of hitting the snooze button, I went and laid in the bathtub and read about proper eyebrow maintenance and whether or not antioxidants are all they’re cracked up to be (they are, apparently).

Done soaking (or rather, fed up with eyebrows and antioxidants), I dried myself and went back to lay in bed. Swisher was stirring, and when he woke up, I promptly burst into tears. I understand that it’s quite horrifying to wake up to your significant other sobbing, but he handled it beautifully. He wrapped me in the kind of full body hug that says “I love you but I will do anything to make you stop crying right now because I have no idea why you’re crying and this is scary.” Then he asked me if I’m going to cry through our whole (wholly hypothetical, of course) wedding ceremony. And then he proceeded to imitate it. I started giggling when he broke into fake sobs at “I now pronounce you…”

“I’m not coming back down to Denver tonight if you’re going to be a grump. I’ll hang out with my 22-year old roommates instead,” he told me before we left. (It was an empty threat. He will come back to Denver after class tonight. And I won’t be grumpy, promise.)

I’m making him chicken salad tonight. I love chicken salad; it’s one of the best things on this planet, and it’s one of the few things that I can make consistently. I want to surprise him and have everything ready when he gets to my house.  Keep your fingers crossed that he likes it.

This post, over at “Enjoying the Small Things” was also tear-inducing. This is my city. I love that she understands what it feels like to be there. I am a city-girl, at heart, and I would give anything to be laying on the beach staring at Lake Michigan right now. When I lived downtown, sometimes I would just wander through downtown. I’d wander for hours. I love the anonymity that you feel when you’re walking down a street, surrounded by tall buildings and people who don’t care who you are. There are glances exchanged, pleasantries, but mostly, you are no one, you are a speck. It’s humbling and empowering at the same time. You belong entirely to yourself.

I hope you’re all having wonderful Fridays! Mine seems to be getting better.

On Chicago, hurriedly.

more about this adventure later, but here’s the Chicago part:

I flew from Denver to Chicago after work on Friday. He picked me up at the airport (with champagne!). Saturday: we saw his grandparents and then he had a going-away party at his house. Sunday: we had brunch with his family; then I had a nap while he packed the car; then we had going away dinner at his mom’s house. (It was really cute because both of his parents came. It was sort of like when both of my parents came to my college graduation party. You’re shocked, because you haven’t seen them in the same room in years, but you’re also really proud of them. And happy.)

And then we left. It was midnight and the moon ahead of us, wrapped in clouds, led the way home.

Midway Airport by Night

Swisher picked me up with a bottle of champagne, a sandwich, and some cookies. We sat in the back seat as his brother drove us back to Lincoln Park.

It was the best airport pick-up a girl could have hoped for.

Hancock Building, Chicago

The city.

Katie and Matt at Fado's

We went out downtown Friday night. Swisher’s brother wanted to meet up with some of his friends, so we ended up navigating through the crowd at a hip bar downtown. Ugh, I hate feeling like I’m wearing too much pants. Also, I dread summer because I’m so pale. Mini-dresses look good on me, but not as good as the tan women.

Overwhelmed by the crush of bros that was the hip bar, we ended up at Fado’s, one of my favorite Irish bars. The night was perfect. Absolutely, one hundred percent perfect.

Belmont Harbor, Chicago

We visited his grandparents on Saturday. The view from their apartment over Belmont Harbor enchants me. I could watch the lake all day. His grandma remembered that I liked watermelon and strawberries, so she had some waiting for us when we got there.

Thai food

On Sunday night, Swisher’s brother made a Thai feast (sans peanuts so Swisher wouldn’t die). It was delicious. Beyond delicious. There were fried fish balls, curry, mango sticky rice, noodle dishes, lettuce wraps. We played a few rounds of Catchphrase before we left, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite games.

And then we left. There were tears and hugs and a general overwhelming feeling of love. It was good.

On Turning 24, Excitedly

It’s like this:

I’m 24 – Pat Stansik

(Text from article:)

24 is a strange, strange birthday. Generally speaking, you’re out of college, yet you still feel young. You’re at the start of your career, yet everything around you is changing. Friends are getting married and settling down. Friends are going to grad school. Friends are moving away. You’re no longer on your parents insurance. Yet, at the same time, you still like to go out and have a good time. Alas, our old buddy Pat Stansik just dropped this funny rap video about all the peculiarities of turning 24. Check it out.

 

source: just click the links above. That’s where I got it.

On work, industriously

Lately, I’ve been on a work high. (And no, it’s not because I’m spending too much time with my highlighters uncapped.)

I’m finally feeling incredibly fulfilled by what I do. The fact that I have my own office doesn’t hurt either, nor does the shoes-optional policy we have here. (!!!! If you know me, you know how much I detest shoes and socks. Barefoot = productivity. Barefoot and in business clothes = I’m taking over the world with my awesomeness.)

I have nothing but incredible respect for my bosses.

My boss – who knew me before he hired me because we played trivia on the same team – was so accommodating of my lack of focus, and it’s mostly because of my very gentle yearly review last year – in which he mentioned that I’m great but that my lack of focus was preventing me from tackling more responsibilities – that I got evaluated for ADHD. Since being diagnosed (and medicated), I’ve noticed that my work productivity has skyrocketed.

He always says “we are not what we do,” and he means it. Family comes first. Yes, work does have to leave the office sometimes, but nothing is so important that everything else must be sacrificed in favor of the bottom line.

They created a position for me, and I’ve ended up picking up responsibilities here and there, creating quite a complex and interesting job description. From writing proposals, scheduling and attending demos, web development, client relations, technical support (but only sometimes) and everything else marketing to changing the toner and handling shipping issues, I’m never bored. And furthermore, as I learn more, I am able to do more. Last week, I got to amend a database design to include specific functionality for a potential client.

It’s not like I’ve not had some misses, as well. Remember last year when I tried to organize a building-wide blood drive? Apparently, I work in a building full of scrooge’s, because no one would donate and I ended up filling the schedule with my family, who were more than happy to donate to save my ass.

(While I realize that the rest of you do all of this all the time, this is relatively new for me. This is my first “real” job – even though I’ve been here for 16 months – and it’s the first time that I’ve really felt like my contribution matters. These are the firsts that I’m never going to have again, and I intend to savor them. So shut up and wipe that smug look off your face. You were 23 once.)

I sincerely hope that they find me as valuable as I find them.

Of course they do, I’m Katie Barry.

About the highlighters – post-ADHD diagnosis, I went from being way too laid back to being way too uptight, particularly about documents. I find that I’m only able to really feel comfortable if I have a printed copy of my proposals that I can highlight as I go – so that I can later go back and reference stuff. I color code them based on whatever categories I decide deserve particular attention.

Ordering office supplies one day, I saw that boxes of highlighters were on sale for $1. So I bought a bunch. Apparently, one of my co-workers and my boss were in the supply room making fun of me for all the highlighters, and wondering why I had purchased so many. You don’t pass up $1 highlighters. psssh.

PS – Swisher comes tomorrow! And I’m 24 on Friday! It’s been such a wild year! Time is flying!

PPS – All of those exclamation marks were absolutely necessary!

On Intuition

I slept fitfully last night. There was too much on my mind for my brain to settle into the contemplative sleep that I so hoped would fall over me.

Life is not an easy journey.

Learning that there is no black and white, only shades of gray, has not provided the clarity that I seek. Logic is applied selectively, situationally. The rest is emotion, clouding judgement and perception while simultaneously preventing objective reasoning.

But even when I think that I’ve reached a point of logical and emotional balance, I’m reminded that it all comes down to perception. And the whirlwind of possibility overwhelms me until I’m able to force myself to breathe and trust my intuition.

We’re all blind. To remember that we’re all just as lost as the person next to us is humbling, humanizing, realistic. There is only your own knowledge. Your own knowledge of the truth is a valuable tool, as long as it’s a consistent one. I’ve long relied on mine and it’s usually a pretty good indicator of everything. Emphasis on usually.

Today’s HBR Management Tip of the Day reinforces intuition as a beautiful thing.

MAY 2, 2012
Trust Your Gut
Most of us are taught to defer to authority. As a result, we tend to disregard our internal compasses. But your instincts are often right. Here is how to counter your conditioning and question authority:

  • Listen to your inner voice. Take a moment to breathe and consider what is going on. Ask yourself, “Are there other ways to approach this assignment?”
  • Constructively question. Ask your boss, customer, or client: Why do we do it this way? Would you be open to different ways? Can we experiment?
  • Reflect. Whether you’ve followed along or pushed for an alternative, think about what happened. Remember what it felt like to go against authority and think about how you might handle it differently in the future.

On May

May House Mouse

May is my favorite month.

I’m excited. There’s a lot going on this month and it’s going to fly by.

I’ve got visitors in town over my birthday. I’ve got a flight to Chicago and what we’re calling our “test road trip” back to Denver. I’ve got tons of projects at work.

I’m excited and exhausted all at once.

Swisher lands in two weeks!

On the future, miserably

Future Me is not only really put-together, organized, successful, and super hot, she’s also totally prepared for retirement. In order to facilitate Future Me’s dreams, I got right down to business and started by 401(k). (It’s embarrassing how excited I am  was about this.)

But of course, the transition from youth to young adulthood to adulthood is never as smooth as you’d like to imagine. I got my monthly financial summary for the first quarter yesterday. (I so love getting mail that’s not credit card offers! My Aunt Sally and Grandma send cards for all holidays – there’s nothing sweeter than seeing your name on an envelope and knowing that whatever’s inside is all for you! I found the cutest penguin card ever from last Christmas the other day, and grinned for a full five minutes.)

I ripped the envelope open, excited to see what my future might hold.

It holds no great promise, apparently. I’ve lost 84 cents. Again, why am I not just stuffing cash in my mattress? (This seems like a much better plan.)

And then I read this:

Projected Benefit at Retirement

Projected Monthly Income: $4.98

Based on the Ending Balance of this statement, if you retire at age 65 in the year 2053, your projected account value with be [redacted out of sheer embarrassment], and your projected monthly income will be $4.98.

….(and then it went on)

By the year 2053, I won’t be able to get on the bus for $4.98.

I do realize that this projection is based on baby contributions that have just begun. I realize that there’s more to come. I realize that this amount will grow and blossom and will probably be able to cover the holes in my monthly expenses that I can’t fill with panhandling and whatever else I’ll be doing for money in the latter half of the 21st century.

Ugh.

On my little brother, who will always be fruitypants to me

Mike's tent

When I got home from my quick weekend in Chicago, I was a bit surprised to see an orange tent set up in our living room. Mike was so excited to tell me all about it: how lightweight it is (3 pounds!), how it’s great for backpacking, how it’s got a rain fly and he’s excited to make oatmeal under it in the mornings if it’s raining. Lots of conversation about the possibilities of rain with this tent – apparently the rain fly can be put up before you build the body of the tent so that in case of inclement weather you don’t risk getting your tent soaked while you mess with the poles and rain fly. I think that’s marvelous.

We had to take the tent down because someone with sharp claws was just as excited as Mike about the new tent. Carlos kept sneaking around the tent, trying to get in through the flap. I’d see a swish of black tail as he got in, only to run out moments later when Mike caught him. Then I’d see the little black face sniffing around the bottom of the tent. Not wanting to have to buy a new tent due to slash-holes caused by my cat son and his nasty habit of relentless investigation, the tent was packed away. However, I did enjoy sitting inside a tent inside my living room. It brought back childhood memories of Mike and I camping in the backyard.

(This is one of my favorite pictures of us ever.)

I so love the fact that I came home to a tent. I so love that my roommate is my brother. I love that we are nearly exact opposites. Mike’s idea of fun is a week spent fishing and hiking and backpacking. That’s my idea of perfect hell. My idea of fun is dancing, or the library, or four hours in a bathtub with books, or drinking wine. I do believe that those may constitute Mike’s perfect hell.

However, give that kid some sports, and you’re all set. I really like going to games with Mike. I always learn something and I always have fun. Above, my first Cubs game ever after I graduated from college.

He’s the athletic one. I mean, he’s 6’4″ and I’m barely 5’8″. He does the heavy lifting; he opens jars; he reaches things on the top shelf. He’s the one that’s good at math (damn good). He does the detail work. He’s focused, calm, patient, way too laid-back for his own good, kindhearted, organized, neat. He’s analytical and observant. He loves his outdoor activities, but my idea of outdoor activities involves drinking in a park. He cooks, too. He’s going to be a great dad and make some lady who can’t cook very happy one day.

I’m the impulsive, energetic one. I’m loud and quite outspoken. I’m the one who thinks about the big picture, who takes care of administrative detail like paying the bills, and who is wound up 99.99% of the time. I am in no way patient or detail oriented, and I’ll never be accused of being organized or neat. And I can’t cook to save my life. (Baby steps, I keep telling myself. Noodles and sauce from a jar is totally food.)

Even though we’re not biological siblings, we’re a matched set. We make a really good team. We balance each other out. I’m impressed by his dedication to his schoolwork, fascinated by his love of strange things like his panini maker, and excited about our mutual enjoyment of tea. He knows how to calm me down when I’m stressed; he’s wise beyond his years.

We get each other. We used to climb the apple tree in the backyard together. We used to throw tennis balls at the house. When we were little, we thought it’d be the best idea ever to take out the hall closet that separated our rooms and create one giant room that was full of everything fun. Or if we couldn’t have one giant room, we wanted a secret tunnel.

During nap time (which sucks when you’re 7 years old), we’d grab Mom’s exercise mat and use it to sled down the stairs. In the summer, we’d have cannonball contests – which I never won. We dug mud holes in the garden, took our bikes and scooters all over the neighborhood, stayed out late and played hide and seek….

When I went off to college, I had a rough time the first night. I’ve never been that good at hiding my emotions, and I’m prone to bouts of hysterical crying. And so, I cried. I cried, and I cried, and I cried. (It was pretty bad.) My mom and brother and uncle and cousin left me all alone in Chicago (which would turn out to be one of the best adventures of my life, so in hindsight, no complaints). No one would have ever known about this if my uncle hadn’t told us – I’m glad he did – but apparently, Mike cried through Illinois on the way back to Denver.

My brother is one of the most amazing people I know. I’m so lucky that he’s mine. (Don’t tell him that – I don’t want it to go to his head.) I am so grateful.



On Chicago, more than happily

I’ve left so many times, for so many reasons, and every single time, I end up back in Chicago, staring longingly at the lake. It was the lake that brought me there, after all. This weekend was a lot like the weekend that I spent out there in July, but this weekend was so much better.

Chicago-style hot dog

Last week, when I told my boss that I was headed to Chicago for the weekend, he looked at me and said, “Your flight’s on Sunday night, right?” I paused. “Um….no….Monday morning, actually.” He looked at me and laughed. “I’ll see you on Tuesday,” he said.

(Remember the July trip? Waking up at 6:03 when my flight had taken off at 6:00….the long day spent laying on the couch while I killed time until my Monday night flight, a day of work lost, a terribly abrupt goodbye, the uncertainty of it all.)

Leaving Denver after work on Friday is not the best way to go. But then again, weekends are short – you’ve got to make the best of them. I was almost too tired to be excited, but simultaneously terrified that I wouldn’t make my flight. Of course, i had to stop for gas and ended up giving my dinner to a homeless man.

Sitting in my car, filling Jell-O shot containers full of shampoo and soap, I reminded myself why I do things like this. The work-life balance, but more than that. Life, mostly. The most beautiful life is the one that will never make me wonder what could have been.

The TSA was puzzled by my Jell-O shot shampoo containers. They took the bag out and marveled (my words, not theirs) at it before finally letting it go. This was immediately after I had to take cash out of my bra to get through the body scanner. I believe Charlie Sheen put it best when he said, “Winning.”

I’m a Taurus. I’m a very stubborn woman. He picked me up and I was first-date nervous. (Honestly, we’ve only ever been on about 4 dates, give or take, so it’s not like my nerves are entirely unfounded.) He made me dinner while I wandered to find beer. I interrupted him giving me directions with, “I’ll figure it out,” and ended up walking an extra 4 blocks each way to 7-11 (Chicago 7-11’s are the best – no 3.2% beer there!).

I didn’t mind the walk. I love the city.

Lights at the Congress Theater

Saturday day was him working for a bit and me going to see my friend Anne. Then it was double-date concert night. I’m not a huge fan of dubstep – it sounds like robots dancing to me – but we went and saw Bassnectar at the Congress Theater. It was loud, crowded, and fun. Some girl stepped all over the side of my heel though (until this happened, I wasn’t aware that it was possible to step on the side of a heel, all the way up to the ankle), which has left me bruised and grumpy. His brother and his girlfriend are great! We made brunch on Sunday morning, and I watched Back to the Future for the first time, curled up on the couch under a Cubs blanket.

Bassnectar

Not our best picture, but the only one I have!

Lights at Concert
I felt old for the first time. I know I was not the oldest person at the concert (by far), but I felt somehow removed from the crowd. My dress and sweater made me look like a librarian (no offense, Maddie, just making generalizations) compared to the neon halter tops and short shorts all around me. I don’t do this sort of dancing and I was entirely out of my element. By the end of the concert, I was tired of getting danced into. I was tired of dancing (that so very rarely happens) and I was tired of hearing sounds. I had so much fun, and I adore his brother and his brother’s girlfriend, but I don’t know that I’d be so willing to attend a repeat of that event. I’m glad that he understood.
Chocolate Chip Cookies
On Sunday, after a quick visit to his grandparents, we had dinner at his mom’s house. Last July, one too many “princess party drinks” (White Russians) had me doing some pathetic-late-night-love-drunk crying on his porch once we got home. His impression of that incident is nearly accurate and is hilarious – ask him to do it some time. (It’s just like the “I’ll go to DU, I swear” freshman year of college pleading, except two notches less hysterical. Maybe.) This time, I was (quite willingly) banned from drinking any. I would like to insert the fact that I’m also a lot more confident about his communication skills and where we stand, which is conducive to a no-tears environment.
His mom pulled him outside to tell him that I was too skinny before she made me eat second helpings on pasta and finish my giant hamburger. Then she walked me through making cookies from scratch.  “Beat the shit out of the butter,” she told me, after I’d failed to beat it quite fluffy enough. “Just set it on high, and walk away. Don’t watch it. Come back in five minutes.” It was terrifying, but so rewarding. I made something!!
I love his family. They’re so much like mine, sort of. Except his is definitely a little bit louder. Imagine four kids instead of me and Mike – it’s like that. It’s loud and chaotic and I feel right at home. His dad’s roommate, who I adore, came to dinner, too. We played Catchphrase, girls against boys, after dinner. The girls won quite soundly. It was the perfect ending to the trip.
DIA This time there were no tears. There was only the promise of “next time” – we’ll spend more time with his grandparents, we’ll cook again with his mom, we’ll get to see each other sooner rather than later.
This time felt good. I don’t know if it will be good forever, but for right now, it’s good, and I’m learning to accept those good things and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because in time, it will.
This time, we woke up at an ungodly hour and crept through the sleeping city toward the airport. I was too tired to think about crying. He stopped the car in the second lane, using a giant, hulking van as a reason to do it (it is Chicago after all, most things go) and came around and wrapped me in his arms. There were whispers, quick conversation as he got back into the driver’s seat and I grabbed my bags. I shut the door and turned away. I didn’t look back, not even for one last glimpse as he drove away. I never look back. My smooth exit was marred only by the automatic door not working. I walked up to, so close I could have rubbed my nose against it, only to curse quite loudly when it failed to open. The automatic door marked exit was much more accommodating, and soon enough, I was standing in the long line to get through security.
Home sweet home and early for work! It was a very successful Monday morning.