I’m so lost and yet so settled.
I’ve spent the last twenty two years figuring out who I am and I think I’ve finally come to terms with me.
I’ve been loving being back; I sort of like being alone but always having somewhere to be, if that makes sense.
I’m excited to eventually find someone to share my life with, but I really truly do understand the value of one’s own company. I am finding that I enjoy this time in life: unsettled, aware, alive, terrified, excited, anxious, restless, adventurous, beautiful, intrigued, curious, apprehensive, confident, nostalgic, reflective, quite sure: of nothing and of everything.
I am quite sure. But mostly, I am Katie Barry. And that, my friends, is not a bad thing to be.
There have been so many thoughts lately, and actually the push to write more fiction, so tomorrow, the first day that there will be breath for me since moving home, I will be breathing, and writing, and sipping tea. And then, of course, adventuring, because what day would be worthwhile without some sort of wild tale yet untold?
There are the things that have come back, the curious twists of fate, the possibilities. Exploration begins, tentatively, as does the working out.
Becoming a woman (in the real sense of the word….I used the phrase the other night and my friends were properly horrified) is not the easiest thing to do. There are things they fail to tell you, of course, that you must figure out. One of them is that living in the Midwest will make you love processed meats and cheeses and give you extra curves and things you never thought you’d have. I’m off to hike tomorrow, maybe? Morning? Red Rocks? yes. If I could be anywhere, always, it would be there.
I also can’t wait to write the Subway tales, I think you’ll find those at least mildly amusing.