June 15 until July 1st is going to be a very interesting time for me.
And by interesting, I mean the exact opposite.
It’s going to be very lonely, but I’m sure that I won’t mind just removing myself from the world and being. Perhaps it shall be me and my beloved city and that damn cat, all alone in our strange apartment or all alone on the train or at the beach or in line at the grocery store.
And I’l hate to see it go, as I slip away for the last time (of course, it’s never the last time, but symbolically, it is and that’s crushing). I’ll cry, just like I’m doing now, and that will be the end of it.
I hadn’t thought how to say to goodbye. I still haven’t.
I’ll stand in the middle of Michigan Ave and look south, toward the river and the buildings and I’ll say goodbye.
I’ll wander by the lake and look out and pretend it goes on forever.
I’ll walk west past Ashland and be surrounded by concrete and chaos and brick and history and I won’t forget the ways that I’ve felt here.
Summer lies to me, though, I must remember. In the winter, I am dreadfully cold.
And then I’ll drive down Lake Shore, reminiscent of Ferris Bueller taking his day off, and I’ll see the city and my heart will break. The glint of steel and glass in the sun will call to me, reflecting scattered bits of colored light through my windshield and it will be like the shattered bits of my heart, which finally thought she might have arrived.
Ah, Chicago, like a siren. So much to take in. Nearly too much to survive. But just enough to keep the adrenaline alive.