I’ve posted links to my Facebook account questioning the veracity of the Tebow ad that appeared during the first quarter, but I thought I’d throw some more opinion to the internet. Why not? I’ve got time and space.
This came about because of Black History Month, which I am so against (more on that at some point later). We were talking about it the other night and of course, the subject of everyone having differences came up. Mine? Adoption. I get “oh you’re adopted” jokes every now and then and although it isn’t anything compared to racism, it’s still something that sets me apart.
My genetic history is a giant question mark. I always joke that I’m a grab bag of potential disease and ugly children. It’s true. Not that I’ll have ugly children, but you never know.
People ask me, “How can you be pro-choice if you’re adopted?”
It was a choice. I wouldn’t have known, I was a mass of cells. I’m obviously glad I made it past cell stage and became a person, but for me, it’s not a question of when the cells become a life, when the life is viable or any sort of combination of the two.
Do you honestly think that someone who doesn’t want to become a mother is going to be a good mother if they’re forced to carry, birth and then raise a child they didn’t want? Do you honestly think that some people can afford to pay to raise a child when they can barely keep a roof over their heads?
Adoption is a feasible option, sure, but it’s not for everyone. Kids born to alcohol and drug-abusing mothers aren’t going to have a great start and the difficulties they face may be insurmountable.
Abortion isn’t the best option but it’s an option that needs to be preserved. As women, we have the rights to our own bodies and we should be able to choose what’s right.
Personally, the thought of an abortion terrifies me. I’d never do it. I am too important of a person to have been killed and I’d never be able to live with myself if I went through that. All I’d think is, how old would my baby be today? and stuff like that. It’d be one un-ending thought loop that would consume me.
But I understand why people choose to do it and I do not fault them.
I feel like everyone gets one free pass. One abortion. One oops, we made a huge mistake and it won’t happen again. But abortion is not birth control. It’s not hard to not get pregnant. (I understand that conversely, it’s very easy to get pregnant.) Abortion should not be used in place of birth control. Yeah, condoms are expensive, but so is abortion, so is childbirth, so is the eighteen years spent tethered to a child, so is the emotional pain of giving one up.
Sacrifice. It’s the most beautiful thing someone can ever do. To give a family who desperately wants (not needs, wants) a child the thing they want most is the most stunningly selfless act. To trust them with your life, with the life you’ve created is insane. I don’t know if I could do it.
But people do it. That’s why Mike and I are here.
And if you don’t believe in fate, look long and hard at my family. I am my mother’s daughter. I was meant for her. She is my mother, she has been. She loves me unconditionally (I know this because I’ve tested all the boundaries of love that possibly exist and we’re still alright). Fruitypants was meant to be my little brother. We were meant to be a strange mix of family and crazy and look at us. We fit so well together.
It’s hard work, all of it, and someone has to do it. The birth and the raising. It can be two different people. There’s enough love to go around, I promise.
Mike’s graduation party. All of the women were gathered, his birth mother included, near the front door. Grandmothers, aunts, mothers (two of them, both his). They were all crying. It was the most joyously heart-breaking thing I’ve ever seen. They had watched this little boy grow up into a young man together, each in their own capacity. Strength on all sides and so much love you could feel it surrounding everything.
Hug a birth mom next time you see one. They’re better people than you could ever imagine.
Don’t hate on Planned Parenthood. Just don’t. They are some of the kindest, most compassionate people I’ve ever met. Don’t think for a second that if I was rich I wouldn’t give them tons of money in donations. You can uphold your Catholic/Christian ideals, but please do not hate on Planned Parenthood. There is so much other work that they do besides killing babies (my god, don’t get me started on the people who think this way) that makes them an organization worth supporting. When your daughter is 16 and her pediatrician won’t give her birth control, where is she going to turn? You’d damn well better hope there’s a Planned Parenthood in your neighborhood. And you’d damn well get her a doctor who understands not only your daughter but the legal system as well. And you’d better thank god (or whomever you pray to at night) that she has an option. Because a lot of people don’t have those options. So when she’s scared out of her mind and sitting in the waiting room by herself, just wanting some birth control, you’d better thank your god that there are people who know exactly what she’s going through and who are willing to help. And when she walks out of there feeling respected and comforted, you’d better wish that you had been there to support her.
But then again, that couldn’t be your daughter, could it? That doesn’t happen to “good” people like you.