Before I get all moody as I am prone to doing, I’d like to share with you a travel tip I learned today: Don’t correct TSA employees on their grammar, not even under your breath. They have sharp hearing.
I sat in my car and sobbed, letting hot tears fall down my face and down under my chin.
I sat in the dark and in the cold and cried.
My fingers hurt, a pain extending form the core of my palms.
I know it’s the exhaustion. I just need sleep and in the light of tomorrow I’ll feel better. Easy enough, but not quite.
Life is strange and beautiful. I love being able to feel so deeply but I hate it. One of the biggest strengths to my character is my ability to truly feel the emotion I’m feeling. It’s also the worst detriment. I love the exuberance of youth, the feel of an arm thrust out the window of a speeding car, the music, the mountains, the joy. I let myself feel it, unrestrained. And then I feel the equal but opposite reaction. The empty, the alone. Rebuilding. Renewing. blah blah blah I hate people who preach change but I’m holding onto that sentiment with all I have.
I’m here and there’s so much to do. Simon looks terrible. The window is horrible. I can hardly see out of it. The car was not left in good condition—there’s much cleaning to be done, both inside and out. The house, my room, the big black bag of clothes that desperately needs donated. Time is marching forward. Shopping for school supplies is a must do on the list for tomorrow.
Emily and I made dinner and are watching a movie.
Perseverance, however. I am applying to DU for fall admission. I don’t want to wait a year. I may not get in, but at least I tried. If I am rejected, which I am fully expecting, I will spend the year building my experience base through volunteering and lots of field experience before reapplying next year. So either way I’ll be doing either DU or hopefully a DPS job. Only problem is that I have ten days to get the application in. Deadlines, deadlines. I’ve enlisted Maddie as my unemployed life coach to help me get this all situated. Keep yours fingers crossed, dear readers.