I’ve got that same uneasy feeling I get before I go back to Chicago. Everytime. There is no state of mind that makes it any different. Whether or not I’m reluctant to go (which I usually am), it’s always a sense of foreboding that fills me in the days leading up to my departure.
I’ve had so much fun being home. Last night, Val and Heidi and her dad and I played trivia. It was excellent. We won, and the judge developed a fondness for me based on my answer of “Wolverine (growl)” to a question about the largest in the weasel family in the US.
I’ve loved going out downtown. I will say that Denver’s eligible bachelors are infinitely more attractive than the ones in Chicago and quite a bit nicer too. I wish…a few things but fate must have something up its sleeve. Perhaps not all is lost, but then again, I can never read the people that I need to the most. Character is one thing, intentions are completely another.
My senses are spinning. Especially now, when I know what lays in store for me for the next semester. The break up was horrible, not on my end, not at all, but for him. The way he’s reacted to it has made me cringe at the thought of seeing any of our mutual friends. While the old adage, “stick and stones may break my bones…” seems to apply here, it’s taken me all that I can do not to fire back. I’ve slipped once and have since received even worse treatment. I do not have to tolerate such abuse.
I thought everything would be done and over by the time I got back, thought that time would heal all wounds, but alas, it has not. However, Simon has been put in the safekeeping of Madeline, so I feel a little bit better about that situation. I will be picked up from the airport on Sunday afternoon and will immediately be taken for drinks. Immediacy is the prescription for the evening, just as overcome and avoid has been the plan of action since Thanksgiving.
I’m hesistant to leave the house. (I just re-read that sentence and realized it sounds nutty. I am not hesitant to leave the house in terms of going outside, I am hesistant to leave because it’s my home and has been for the last 18 years.) I’m hesistant to leave Mom alone for the next few months. I’m going to miss Katie (always).
I feel the loose ends piling up and I realize that there’s nothing to be done but take flight and hope for the best.
48 hours until Chicago (give or take 1 hour).
4 days until classes resume.
6 weeks until I set foot back in Colorado.
4 months until I am a college graduate.
6 months until I move back to Colorado.
6 months until jury duty (thrilled).
7 months until I hopefully have a job with DPS.
18 months until I begin graduate school.
This semester is about me. I’m not going to let anyone dictate my terms. I’m going to eat all my vegetables, learn how bake, fight for something I believe in (this may mean finally joining the anti-death penalty people who always call), get straight As (I believe that this can be accomplished simply by doing my homework. What a novel idea), write, and learn how to love myself.
So wish me luck on the 8th leg of the grand adventure that has been Chicago. Let’s hope the city saved the best for last (and by best I don’t mean worst).