Hopeful, I guess, but I’ll take what’s left.

My time left in Denver is drawing to a close, and for the first time in a long time, I’d say that I’m reluctant to go.

I feel as though this break has been exactly the push that I need to start taking advantage of the fact that I’m about to make huge life decisions in the next few months to a year. I’ve spent the last six months or so terrified of what comes next, and even though I’m going to lie and say I’m okay with it now, I’m not. I won’t be. But I’m going to shove ahead and hope for the best.
However, on the bright side, things have made me realize that everything will work out fine. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself; Chicago taught me that. I know what I don’t want. I am starting to figure out what I do want.

Anyway, I have a list in my head that includes things I’d like to do for myself this semester. Just for me. (I am hoping that this semester, albeit lonely, might be as pleasant as the spring semester that I spent in Denver.)
Yoga–studio like three blocks from my apartment, walking-in the freezing cold snow weather, more frequent trips down the bike path to the Peace Garden (I profiled it in one of my videos for production last year…perhaps you’ve seen it), sleep, homework –last semester I set foot in the library for maybe the fourth time since I’ve been at Loyola– this semester I have scheduled in breaks in which to concentrate on homework, de-cluttering (I put this on the list even though I know it won’t ever get done. I feel like it’s been on every list since my birth), and lastly, writing. The idea of freelancing is seductive to me. Somewhere in there I’d like to expand my babysitting career as well, but I’ll take what I can get.

My goal is also to write a more direct, thoughtful blog. And by that, I think I just mean more pictures. I’m going to embark on a journey to photograph the Chicago that I know and love, and the Chicago that drives me nuts. Perhaps that will be my writing assignment. I’m assuming I’ll be out and about a lot this semester since my Civic Engagement core requirement is being met with Advanced Reporting. I was really hoping to get out of Loyola without going any further down the Journalism path, but at least Connie Fletcher isn’t teaching it.

Even though it’s nothing like senior year of high school, when I was poised to make another big change, it is exactly like that. I feel a pull, something telling me I belong back here. The decision is so solid, has been, that I know that it’s the right thing to do. I think life is holding out on me. I just wish it’d tell me what it wants, but I’m off on that journey blindly. But I’m all or nothing, so here’s both all and nothing.

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