On the Letter of Intent That Isn’t

I’ve been procrastinating for the better part of five months now.
Instead of trying to do the big push for graduate applications due in the fall, I decided to wait until the January 15 deadlines.
So I took the big test. I got my scores back. I am awesome at either knowing stuff or test taking, perhaps both.
In early November, I contacted one of my professors. (Mid-November, maybe.) Then Thanksgiving happened. I still haven’t written my personal statement. That’s what is standing in the way of graduate school application completion.
Transcripts have been requested, from both institutions of higher learning that I attended. The basic forms have been printed out, inked. Recommendations have been asked for – but I can’t get them until I write my statement, because my professor wants to read all of it.
Thus, all I really have to do is write the damn statement. It is three pages. It shouldn’t be that hard.

And yet, it is. I stare at the blank page, unsure of how to begin. This is attempt number seven. I’ve even made it a Google Doc so that Maddie can read it and start appearing in my dreams again (she’s my super ego, isn’t that strange? Whenever I’m upset at myself, or stressed, Maddie shows up in my dreams and bosses me around. It’s oddly effective, although I’m not too sure she’s entirely pleased because Dream-Maddie is mean).

If I had my way, I’d write my entire letter of intent like I was writing a profile in a magazine. It’d be a sweet look back at my life from my perch on a sweet couch. I’d have sweet gray hair and a mug of steaming tea. I’d even have my colorful reading glasses dangling from a chain around my neck. Badass.

Instead, I’m being professional. I’m being bland. I’m being overly accomplished – that’s a lie, I actually look really bad on paper. Real life me is so much more exciting than paper me. Come on, three pages. Just be out of me so I can edit them and then be on with my life!

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