J just started reading my blog and he loves it. (I love him even more for saying that!)
He told me that I am so much different here than I am in real life.
Apparently, I let my guard down here. I seem more vulnerable. I’m so much more bold outside of this text box.
J told me that he wishes I wasn’t so critical of myself, and that he can see how much I define myself by what I do, and how I get down on myself because of it. (Who doesn’t?) Of course, moderation in all things – I work so I can party, pretty much. But then he told me that what I am, above all things, is a writer.
I finally have the answer to a question that John asked me more than a year and a half ago. I couldn’t answer it. And it’s bothered me ever since.
I can see my mom rolling her eyes right now. Of course, Katie. We’ve been saying that for years. (Do I ever listen, Mom?)
The introspective Four in me really loves this sort of examination. I love that there are two separate sides of me. Of course, this is not the whole truth – it’s far from it. It’s my representation of what I’m experiencing. It’s fractured. It’s my emotional outpouring, my naive assumptions, my life lessons. It’s heavily edited because what I’m honestly thinking isn’t always suitable for my grandmother’s eyes. (She’s an avid reader and one of my biggest supporters. She’s basically the best.) I curse now and then and talk about stuff – but I leave a lot of it out.
There are so many posts that trigger memories for me. I won’t even have to write what happened. I like it that way. It’s like songs: Whenever I hear Midnight on the Bridge by Ming & Ping
, I think of that night leaving someone’s house. We were driving and I was staring through the moon roof at the stars and all I could think about was bottling all of that happiness and keeping it forever. The song is linked above. Once you get to the webpage, scroll down to Midnight on the Bridge in the music box on the left hand side. You’ll be so happy you did.
My favorite line comes from that song:
“I want to look in your eyes and see your wonderful laughter.”
Every time I hear it, I’m thrown from wherever I am at that moment back to that night. And I’m always happy.
Friday, Friday, Friday!
Going out tonight!
Sleeping in tomorrow!
Snowboarding Sunday! – My knees are still green and black and pink and yellow from last week. This could get exciting.