Exhaustion. There’s no other word for it.
My bones are tired. My eyes are tired. I think I’m getting a hunchback. I’m coughing, a light, endless cough that seems to be rooted in nothing.
Emily wants her Mom’s company to tell me the value of my laptop. Ha, not until I print out every upgrade that it had. Not until the processor is accounted for, not until the new hard drive is accounted for, not until the new copy of Windows, etc. Frustrated. Not trying to rip her off, just want to be treated fairly. She’s got nothing to say still. Apparently she had $300 taken from her room. I’m sympathetic, I really am, but not enough to forget this whole ordeal. I mean, I understand where it sucks to be in her position right now. I’m not going to ruminate on it other than to tell you that I do feel bad. But I feel bad every minute of every day since I got back. I miss my pictures, I miss my music, I miss not having to sit in the library to type. I lost a lot more than she did that night, without even knowing about it.
And funny enough, a simple phone call to tell me we were having people over would have led to me asking her to move my laptop. But that didn’t happen.
On a related note, I came home a couple of days after the theft to find the backdoor wide open. Swinging in the wind. I locked it and haven’t said anything; it doesn’t really matter, at this point I’ve not much left to steal. I have been double checking when I leave and when I come in though.
Want this week to be over. So much homework to get through. Leaving to go to Wisconsin on Friday; will be spending the weekend there with Hunter at the cabin. Will be nice to get away. Don’t have to worry about leaving anything behind, I have nothing to leave.
Looking at getting a Mac to replace the computer I lost. Will depend on their protection plan. (Warranty, work, etc) The MacBookPro might be too expensive (nearing $3000 with necessary upgrades), might just go with the MacBookAir ($2400).
Don’t want to deal.
I just re-read that post, and it sounds forlorn, melancholic. But it is. That’s where I’m at right now. It’s an attempt at survival. It’s not as easy as it sounds, even though I’m a university student at a urban campus. I’m missing things lately. Missing people, missing faces, places, memories, grasping for them desperately, losing them. Direction, too, seems to have gone away. where? there is no answer, only progress.