I opened the refridgerator this morning and there sat, untouched, a blueberry pie. I have my suspicions as to its origin, but I am eating it, regardless of the fact that it stayed in our house untouched for a period of some hours and may be poisonous. It doesn’t taste poisonous at all.
The weekend ended with a bang, as dawn fell over the city Tuesday morning, we fell asleep cradling sweet dreams. Three hours later, the alarm he’d set for me went off, jarring me from what seemed like thirty seconds of sleep. The trek to the airport included wild conversation, a recap of the weekends events, the boys carrying my bags for me during that six block hike. The hugs, the smiles, I walked down into security with a smile on my tired face. Bloodshot eyes, rumpled hair, wearing the same clothes I’d worn the night before during our adventures through the city. I didn’t want to leave, spent the last minutes before the departure slowly sipping Gatorade and nibbling on a PowerBar, attempting to ease my tired stomach.
Danny and I have discontinued our relationship at my request. I no longer wish to be with someone that I no longer love.
The same feelings I had at this same time last year, and the same person nonetheless, are back and making me realize I’m not settled in yet, it’s not quite right. Something is waiting for me, but not him.
I told Danny we weren’t going to talk this weekend, that this was my time for myself, as the last few weeks have been rocky. Hunter took my phone and told me not to worry, they’d all make sure I didn’t have to think about Danny once the entire time I was there. I smiled and didn’t think of Danny once.
Saturday, in the crowded dorm room, the music loud, drinks flowing, people in and out of the door at all times, he pulled me into the space that had been cleared for dancing and we did just that. The dancing became a frenzy, the room engrossed. Arms flailing, legs moving wildly became the norm. Girls and boys on the table, the couch, dancing, girls and boys standing in the kitchen, sipping. The song ended and he kissed me. I couldn’t hide the smile. Last year, it was perfect, but he had her. Last semester, we hung out, but he wouldn’t because of Danny.
Now something is telling me that maybe being alone won’t be so bad; I’ll be alright.
For Emily and I, this was a wonderful time. We picked up right where we had left off, making plans and being us. I didn’t realize how much I missed her. We reminisced about last year, how it didn’t really begin until second semester. We went up to see Sarah, taking the train an hour and a half north to meet her at the station. She picked us up and it was strange to be back together. A string of curses slipped form her mouth and I realized that motherhood hasn’t changed her much. Sarah lights up around her baby, a beautiful seven month old girl, and the baby, clutching Cheerios, smiles back. It’s a wonderful thing.
I even miss Ian, who I never thought I’d even enjoy. We sat and talked for hours, and at one point, he was leaning against th elevator doors when they opened and he fell to the floor. My laughter came back this weekend, my smile, my peace.
We’re all going to look for apartments in two weeks when I get back. We’re going to try and live “Friends” style, with the girls in one apartment and the guys in the other, hopefully in the same building. If not, there’s the possibility we’ll end up mushed together somewhere in the cheapest place we can find. It’ll be wonderful.
Luckily, I missed one of the coldest winters in years. So that’ll be nice. I’m going back in two weeks, plane tickets saved for Portland now saved for Chicago, reservations made.