Ah, Labor Day weekend. Festive, of course. Friday night, spent with Maddie (from Colorado) and her boyfriend. Saturday night spent with Melissa, my roommate, and her boyfriend Bobby at his new place. The University Center is home to dorms for Columbia, Roosevelt, and DePaul. His roommates are quiet, studious, and definitely not into loud noises and fun. Sunday night, I went to my friend Hunter’s for his housewarming party and his roommate Ian’s 21st birthday. It was so good to see everyone again, and it was definitely a weird experience to see him and his ex-girlfriend with their new significant others. People tell me I’m glowing with happiness these days, but I think I just purposely act happier in public than I am. No, that’s a lie, I really do glow sometimes. I have my plane tickets to go out to Oregon for fall break! (Thirty days.)
Yesterday, I went to the beach with Melissa and Bobby and we played in the lake and buried each other in sand and it was probably the best day I’ve spent here yet. Four blocks from my dorm, there is a beach. It’s amazing. I just walk up Michigan Ave and I’m there. My camera currently has sand in it, but the lens does come out most of the way, so I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before it’s up and running again. I hope. We came back and we all made dinner together. Spaghetti and sausage, caesar salad, watergate salad, cheesecake for dessert, garlic bread.
And then the madness continued late into the night.
And we woke up, this morning, and life goes on.
And there’s something somewhere that’s pulling at me, and I’m not sure what it is. And I know what it’s about, and I’m scared, because the feeling is deeper than usual. Fear, jealousy, resentment, hatred. Something, somewhere is stirring that. And it’s starting to boil. He means nothing by it, but I feed off it and mull it over in my mind, and suddenly there is nothing there but that. Him and them. Him and her. Nothing. But my jaw is set and my eyes are cold. And there’s nothing that will change that, until he realizes that I am not okay.