Wow, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks. Mom keeps bugging me to blog, so I guess I’ll tell you about the drive out of Chicago to St. Louis. That was fun. It’s a relatively short drive; we stopped a couple of times to just mess around and get snacks. Five hours. All of my stuff fit, even though I did have to ditch some non-essentials. St. Louis is nice. Emily lives in a suburb called Chesterfield. I met all of her friends and hung out with them.
Now I’m back here, hanging out. Saw the girls last night.
Today I am nineteen.
I’ll edit this later.
Author Archives: kb
Argyle
It’s a full house, here. Two people on the couch, two in one of the bedrooms, and one in each of the other two. There are computers littered throughout the living room, laptops on tables, a desktop on the coffee table. Blankets and pillows create carpet, perfect for tripping on. The hookahs (both of them) sit on the coffee table between the still full cups of rum and dr. pepper that lay forgotten because of a midnight power outtage. DVDs, cameras, spoons, a bottle of perfume…all of these have made their way into the setting that is this house. The girls have moved in now, their stuff lines the narrow hallway, pours out of an alcove, crowds the bathtub and the sinks. He has a little closet, for his one bag, while they take up half the house with theirs. The doors are always opening and shutting, dishes are piling up in the sink. Macaroni and chicken noodle soup are the meals of choice here, washed down with potent beverages served in dirty mugs or plastic cups. We’re living at the edge of humanity at the moment. An impromptu gathering last night led to most of this commotion. People in and out, in and out, talking, laughing. It was awkward. His ex-girlfriend was there. I played nice and did a very good job. He woke up on the other side of the floor this morning, and kissed me on the cheek when getting out of bed this morning, a nice way to start the day. I haven’t cleaned. I know I should have. Instead, I stood on the porch in last night’s shirt and a pair of boxers, hair wild and tangled, makeup smeared, and inhaled the fresh air while swallowing Excedrin and a glass of water. Tuna fish sandwhiches are horrible hangover food. I don’t know whose idea that was. The amount of chaos creates a fun atmosphere, last night I spilled coffee into the stove and had to clean it up with a bath towel that we found under the kitchen table. The hamper sits next to the kitchen chairs, the table piled with a tv, some empty packs, soda, a bottle or two, coffee cups, mail. No one sits there. That’s just the way it is.
I have been driving Becky’s car through Chicago. It’s a wonderful feeling, driving around, knowing where I am, driving down Lake Shore Drive taking the boys to class and then driving back up to Loyola to pick up Emily. I love it here, and I am dreading my birthday. I don’t want this little episode to end. Next year, everything will be different, and for now, I am completely comfortable. Why does it have to end in a few days? The boys leave Friday, and so does Emily. Becky and I leave Sunday.
I still don’t know how I’m going to get my stuff home. Stressssss…….but it’s already alright, I have a steady remedy; we’re doing the same exact thing tonight.
plans
For Mom, who counts the days until I come home:
Leaving Chicago the 13th with Becky.
We are going to try and fit all of my stuff into Emily’s friend’s car, who is coming to pick Emily up a couple of days before. In the mean time, I will ship as much stuff as I can home.
From Chicago, we are driving to St. Louis, and I will remain there with Emily until the afternoon of the 17th when I will fly home to Denver.
I start work the 19th.
And suddenly, summer is over.
Act Two, Scene Saturday
The lights go down, the audience hushes singularly, as though their murmurs were a group effort and not individual conversation. Soft music pipes from somewhere behind, some sort of jazz, fast paced yet slow enough to keep the moment. The lucky patrons in the front row can smell the faintest hint of cigarette smoke floating behind the curtain. It opens, then, when no one is expecting it, flung back with a great flourish. The light comes from somewhere above the stage, no shadows, only the four players gathered around the little coffee table and on it, the board.
One of them rolls, haphazardly, her eyes twinkling mischievious as she stares in his direction. The hotels are upset by her dice, flying everywhere, causing the blond one to yell in frustration. It’s girls against boys, and the tension in the room is obvious. Back and forth, the money changes hands, back and forth. They roll, move their little pieces down the allotted number of spaces, letting fate choose for them. He’s unlucky, they’ve decided, every roll of his brings the impending disaster of financial ruin closer and closer to their team. Blue eyes find his brown, and she giggles, knowing he knows there’s no way out. She shifts, the floor suddenly too uncomfortable for her, sliding her foot under his leg and letting it rest there, as if she doesn’t feel his weight on it. She waits, taking a sip of her poison while the brunette rolls. His hand finds her ankle, then slides up, silent acknowledgement of her move. There is more than one game going on at this little table, and they are lucky players, testing strategy versus fate. This continues for some time, the rolling, the yells, the agony, the joy as the girls finally begin to take the upper hand. Their properties are all bedecked with hotels, while the unlucky boys have been forced to mortgage most of theirs. When they concede, the girls high five and hug, pulling their piled money closer to them to take the final count. There is no uneasy silence, only the soft moans of defeat and the ecstatic squealing of girls who came back to take it. She’s lucky, and she knows it, sitting there, slididng her foot up his leg.
The fan is on, the windows open, so the three of them, two pretty girls and the unlucky man, find themselves sitting out in the perfect city night. There are no stars, obviously, city living takes the wonderful away, but the sounds of distant sirens and cars bring another feeling to the situation. They are comfortable, surrounded by darkness on their well-lit porch. They wait, and then throw the remains as far over the fence as they can, hoping they’ll land in the street and be forgotten until morning. The brunette with the brown eyes makes her excuses, blaming the need for sleep, and goes inside. The two of them, both dark haired, somewhere between black and brown, sit there a minute longer, lingering over nothing.
She takes her spot, perching on the couch under piles of blankets and stacks of pillows. He joins her, unexpectedly, but to her delight and hopefully his. They put in the movie they fell asleep to the night before, and wait as the blond one checks his email and goes to sleep. They lay there, on the couch, under the blankets, and let their hands find each other. He puts his hand on her shoulder, rubbing gently, as she puts hers on his stomach, unmoving but comfortable. And when he is finally gone, and they hear the door down the hall close, he leans in toward her face and kisses her. Her eyes close, and for the next few minutes, or hours, they make the soft advances they are allowed. Just kissing, only eyes and ears and lips and necks, hands find backs and shoulders and arms and finally other hands, and she opens her eyes and stares into his. They laugh, there’s something funny now, a giggle here, a whispered word in his ear.
And they fall asleep content.
As his slow snore fills the little liviing room, the jazz music that had faded after the Monopoly game slowly starts to overtake their breathing, and the curtain drops.
Friday.
We were sitting in the bathroom, I perched on the bathtub and him on the sink when he told me and I felt my heart sink. News like this shouldn’t ever be spoken aloud. We walked around the rest of day, not altogether separate, with it hanging over us. Our minds clouded, we left for different places with the same thoughts, and as the night passed, it grew and grew until it lurked behind me whenever I moved. I slept soundly, under the blanket of a familiar stranger, his pillow holding my head as I slept. I didn’t think to wonder why I could turn over and not feel constricted, but instead I wondered if he missed his pillow or would mind that I had taken that spot.
I woke, folded things, arranged them as they were before the board games had progressed, and rushed back to school, to shower, to train. Backward, music drifting through my ears, I sat as the metal cage pulled me toward the city. It wasn’t even noon, yet my day had ended long before it began. It ended yesterday, in that little bathroom in that little room in that building. I waited, noting that the drizzle was perfect atmosphere for a somber day such as this. I waited, watching faces. Sometimes, they’d turn back, letting their eyes hold my glance as they walked away, but I did not smile, I did not break the eye contact. I did not care.
He came through the ominous turnstiles, the long walk began. I followed behind, no idea where we were going. Street, street, light, left, right, straight. Walk. Walk. Walk. Finally, I saw it and he explained. We went into the elevator, silent, not daring to say what both of us were thinking.
I sat in a chair, reading shallow fashion magazines, while I waited, and when he came out, I looked up, expecting tears and defeat but seeing instead only past him as he pulled my hand and told me we were getting lunch.
The minute the door closed behind us, we hugged, the kind of hug you see in movies. He picked me up off my feet and we walked like that, embracing, back to the elevator. His smile told me everything, and suddenly the weight was gone. I held him down the elevator, in the street. And we smiled and laughed, and joy was back again.
He bought me lunch, at the favorite diner, under an el station. I had a whole grain waffle and some fresh fruit.
I made it back in time for class.
Here I am, carrying things out.
Today was the last lecture of my freshman year of college. Mom cried when I texted her from class. She’s been missing me lately for some reason. It’s probably because this is the point where I realize that I’m yearning to stay away. Not, of course, because I don’t want to go home, but because I’m finally happy, comfortable, enjoying this city for what it is, and suddenly I’m going to have to go back to rules. I’m used to coming and going as I please, whenever, no matter the time. I’m used to the lifestyle that goes along with this place.
I miss you too Mom. Don’t worry. I talk about you all the time and Emily can’t wait to me you. Steve thinks he’ll be able to stop into Denver, and maybe you can meet him then. I miss our house and all the noise, even though there’s plenty of noise in the apartment for Mike and I put together and more. I miss the chaos, the clutter (even though it’s actually way worse at the apartment….), and the fact that no one else has what we have. So don’t think I’ve forgotten anything. I miss the smell of our house, my bathtub, my big bed, my green bean, the bright yellow kitchen table, searching for food in cupboards (although I do that here an awful lot too), you and me time. Blah blah blah. Sentimental crap, I know. But I’m trying to make you feel better, because today is going to be a good day and an even better night!!!!!
I’m 1/4 of the way through college! (undergrad, at least!) and i’m going to celebrate. hard.
Futuresque
I have a plan:
Double majoring in English with a concentration on creative writing and Journalism.
Minoring in Political Science, Communications, and Women’s studies.
The Communications minor could be dropped.
Total, however, it’s only 105 hours which means it’s doable.
I am beginning to slowly bring things from my room back to the apartment. The great move has begun.
The plan.
Finally, a feasible plan.
This week is my last week of classes. Finals start tuesday, and I am done a week early, on May 3rd. At that point, I will begin moving my stuff to Ryan and Becky’s house where it (and I) will stay until May 13th. From there, Becky and I are driving to St. Louis (where my stuff will be for the time being) and spend a few days hanging out. I will fly home the 17th because Mom is stressing that I be home for my birthday.
The only problem is that Ryan and Becky’s house is going to be a zoo for the next couple of weeks. Ryan’s friend is sleeping in my spot on the couch, but has been nice enough to sleep on the floor so I could have it. I had a nightmare though on Friday, and ended up on the floor too. So that’s one sleeping space gone, not to mention more stuff than there already is in that house. The showings start this friday, so we all have to clean this week. Becky has a friend coming over (who will sleep in her room) the weekend that I need to move in.
We officially have to be out of the dorms 24 hours after our final, which is in less than two weeks for me, but the final deadline is May 9th at noon. I am going to do laundry today and sort stuff and then send home a box full of clothes. This should eliminate some of the problems of getting my clothes and such home for the summer.
I’ll be selling all my books back, so I’ll only have the novels that are currently gracing my bookshelves. As for bags, I am not sure, because I am only traveling home with one suitcase. I also have to figure out what to do with the tv, the iPod player, printer, etc. I have the costume basket as well.
I am thinking that another trip to St. Louis halfway through summer might be in order, if only to relieve Emily’s family of all my stuff.
I’m looking at a C and four As, which puts my GPA this semester at a 3.6 which isn’t bad. Even if I get a C, two Bs and two As, I’ll still have a 3.2, which isn’t horrible.
The room here is suffocating me. It is so messy and no one can clean it right now. It finally warmed up this weekend, and I didn’t have to wear a coat or a sweater.
Sarah’s baby shower was on Sunday. It was beautiful. She got some books and practical things and baby outfits.
I woke up early today. I’m not sure why. Wednesday night on the couch, and Thursday and Friday on the floor definitely meant that I got very little sleep. I ended up talking to the houseguest for a couple of hours and then falling asleep curled up with him. He kissed me goodnight on Thursday, sweetly, and then when we woke up he walked me all the way back to the train for no apparent reason. Very nice. Too bad Ryan has to go to Mizzou next year, or I’d get to hang out with his friends more.
I’m taking down the pictures, and the Christmas lights fell, so that works. The Armani man will have to make a train ride to Ryan and Becky’s, there’s no way he’ll fit into a car. My neighbors are playing really loud music and I am annoyed. I’m already up at ten o’clock, and I dont want to be, but I seem to have lost my phone during the night, and I really can’t sleep without it. They always come into our room to tell us to be quiet (even though it’s usually just the tv and not our fault that the walls are thing) yet we never say anything to them.
The appeal for the housing contract was denied as well. He offered us a freshman dorm with no AC, no cable, and no kitchens. He told Emily’s mom that he was unsure of why we were even trying to get of our housing contract because we chose to live there. Oh, really, so choosing between freshman dorms and that, is he saying that he wouldn’t have chosen that? Grrr….I guess I just don’t understand Loyola’s reasoning. I don’t want to be 20 years old and living in freshman dorms. They keep saying they want to foster independence, but what they really want is to foster our dependence on them and in turn they on our checkbooks. It’s been a constant buzz on campus. The resentment is still there, even if the anger has subsided. We’ve all accepted that we have horrible housing next year, and thats that.
Cat is a different story. Is there anyone reading this who’d be willing to take Chase for a year? Emily and I will take him for our junior year when we are finally released from the hell that is Loyola housing. Ryan is moving to Missouri, Becky is going into Columbia’s dorms, and Joel doesn’t want to keep a cat. He’s three years old, very snuggly, not aggressive. He enjoys catnip and turkey. He also likes to eat houseplants and play with bouncy balls. He likes to spoon. Mom hates cats, so that’s out. He’s so sweet, though, and none of us want to lose him.
I’m still tired. I was going to go to a Jewish art show last night, but Becky and I got lost going, so we tried to go to Starbucks. We saw a spot on the other side of the street, so I jumped out and went and stood in it. A man came by and tried to park there, so I waved him off. He told me to move and I told him it was my spot. He said he didn’t care, so I told him that he’d have to hit me first. He proceeded to back up, waiting for me to move, but I didn’t. He stopped less than a foot from me and began yelling at me. The woman in his passenger seat told me that they were here first. I told them obviously not because I was the one standing in the spot and that my friend was driving around the block. It continued for some time until I got frustrated at them and as I walked away, (keep in mind this is a crowded, urban street at dinner time. think outdoor cafes, etc.) I screamed an obscenity so loud it probably made their ears bleed. (sarcasm). Becky had seen the whole thing from her car and told me that she had never seen me mad, but that if that was it, she never wanted to. People in Chicago really are the most rude people you’ve ever met.
Now I’m tired again.
Bleh
Stress.
Registered for classes. 18 hours spread between Water Tower Campus and Lake Shore Campus. One day has four classes over eleven hours with travel time in between.
Communications, communications, english, english, theater, and philosophy.
8 page paper due tomorrow in Communication. Haven’t started yet. Am probably going to fail, but if I at least get a C, I’ll be satisfied. Isn’t that sad? Happy to see a C. I know.
But I did the math, and if I get As in all my other classes (which might happen) I’ll get a 3.6 this semester, which is better than last and certainly not horrible.
And if I get two Bs, a C, and two As then I’ll have a 3.2, unless my calculations, hastily scribbled on a Chipotle receipt are off. Which they might be. I’m currently in Hinduism, my head cocked to one side, pretending to listen.
Jazz concert at Columbia tonight.
New tenant on the couch at Ryan’s. My spot is gone, but he let me have it last night, and he slept on the floor. How very nice of him, really.
Off to watch Good Will Hunting and analyze every little bit of it.
Still no word on getting home. No apartment. Dreams are crushed. Really, does it matter? We should just box my stuff up and leave it on the street and hope it’s still there after summer. Who cares?
Apparently, due to lack of financial hardships in my family, I will be expected to pay the lovely amount of $10,000 to live on campus next year.
I hate Loyola at the moment, and am not looking forward to becoming a sophomore.



